Day One

This morning I started my journey of losing weight and keeping it off. Somewhere around 1am, my husband took my "before" pictures. Around 9am, I weighed in at what is going to be the heaviest weight of my life because I'm never going to ever be that size again. I'm sure you want to know what it is and I'll tell you because I'm not ashamed of it anymore. It happened. And we all know, shit happens! My unhealthy lifestyle which included overeating, no exercise, lots of unappetizing fast food, eating heavy meals very late (followed by immediate sleep) and bouts of fulfilling week-long sweet-tooth cravings with unmentionables has led me to 274.8 pounds at the age of 30. Whew, feels good to admit that. And it feels even better to know that I have a course of action that should prevent me from living that lifestyle again. But before I engage you with my plan, let me put you up on some back story.



In my youth, there was teasing. Kids tease. Why? I'm really not sure. But they do. I wouldn't say that I was made fun of excessively like you see on some television shows. I wasn't even teased as badly as some of the other kids that I went to school with. That doesn't make it okay but I'm just saying that it didn't have me in tears or feeling like I couldn't face school the next day. I still liked school and I still had plenty of friends. After all, even my dad made comments about how "healthy" I was and how "skinny" my friends and cousins were. So, I didn't think the things some of the kids said had an impact on me...but it did. Looking back, I realize that I accepted what they said as truth. I looked in the mirror and I did see fat and I continued to see fat up until I really was fat. The crazy thing about it is that I never was fat as a kid or a high-schooler. I was just bigger than the slight majority. But, when I did start to pick up unhealthy habits and put on excess weight, I didn't even notice because my self image was so altered. For instance, the dress I wore for homecoming in 11Th grade was a size 9. But when I tell you I didn't believe that 9, instead I saw 16, I'm not playing. Most of the other girls including my best friend wore size 7. And let me tell you, unlike most of the girls, I was blessed with breasts and behind and lovely thick thighs while they were still rockin' bird chests and string beans for calves. I was strong and healthy and cute. (I'm not gonna front, I always thought I was cute-just plump and cute lol.) With 12 grade came a shorter schedule that didn't include lunch nor activity which meant I was eating junk food all day and the only exercise I was getting was the stairs at school and the walk from the bus stop. The weight packed on. I was a 10 at homecoming and a 12 by graduation.



College was no better. Freshman 15? Ha! How about freshman 30! There at the age of 17, a women's size 14/16 was my friend. You think kids are not the nicest? Try drunken frat boys and boys you turn down and skinny girls who are jealous that you have a cute, faithful boyfriend and they have nothing. This time around though, I couldn't shake off the comments that easy. They affected me deeply. As the next few years rolled on, I hit 205 lbs, depression, size 18/20 and not only did I think I was extra fat, I was beginning to think I was hopelessly unattractive as well. Crazy, I know, cuz I'm too cute! Lol! I was living with my 2 very best friends in a nice 3 bedroom apartment and they never saw me because I was always hiding out in my room wanting to be sad and alone.



Things didn't work out with the apartment and I moved back to my parents house in Detroit and commuted the 35 minutes to classes. Being back in my parents house under my father's watch and criticism gave me the push to lose weight. I didn't have anything else to do and I'd be doggone if I was going to let dad call me all types of lazy and fat. The very next day I started an exercise regimen and began to eat the famous low-carb way while taking Metabolife. (All very popular in 1999.) I lost weight and I lost it quickly. 50+ pounds off in matter of a few months. I was turning heads and fitting into sizes I never fit before. Would you believe I got into a 4? I got a boyfriend and got busy with a life that led me away from the low-carb eating and exercising that I'd grown to know and the weight started coming back along with my self-doubt. What really didn't help was that my boyfriend became my biggest low-self esteem contributor with horrible comments he'd make when I'd upset him for whatever reason. As you see with a lot of people that have done with low carb, after the diet is off, the weight comes back double and triple. Hmm-lessee, today I was 274 and then I was 151 so I was really close to gaining back triple my initial weight loss.



My weight has fluctuated over the years due to trying to go back on low carb and failing ( I just can not deprive myself like that anymore.) Sometime last year, I read a book that detailed how bad low-carb diets were and I told myself that I'd never do that diet again. The problem is that I'm impatient. I want the weight to get the hell outta dodge. Yes, I've come to a point where I love and treasure and accept myself but the weight is getting in my way! I want it gone, like, yesterday! Lol. Because I want results so fast, I always contemplate going back on that low carb diet to drop 5 pounds a week but I can never stick to it because there are so many things that are good for you that I refuse to do without. This indecisiveness over dieting has led to no diet at all, (which is not good) but has led to me working out several times a week. Last year October, I joined a fitness club that caters to plus sized women. I weighed in at 282 and got down to 269 by the end of December. I felt stronger and healthier and more flexible and just great all around but I knew I had to incorporate better eating at some point. The fitness club I was going to closed mid-January and I hit a stand-still until joining Planet Fitness several weeks and pounds later. The good thing is that I haven't gained anymore weight since joining and now I have a plan that should make this weight fall off pretty fast (I did say I was impatient!)



So, if you stuck with me through that long back story, this is the point where I tell you my plan. I'm braving up to big. I'm not going to be afraid of failure. In fact, failure is certainly not an option. I'm going to kick big's ass! Big is going to be afraid of me! Lol. For the time being, I am giving my metabolism a jump start by taking in 9 meals a day with a total calorie count being no more than 1200 calories. (7 of these meals are fabulous 100 calorie meal replacement shakes and the other 2 are regular meals that total 250 each.) I'm also going to exercise three times daily as opposed to once every other day. That may sound a bit much for most but I do love to exercise. It makes me feel wonderful. Plus studies show breaking up exercise into 2 or 3 times daily burns a greater percentage of fat and I'm all for that. Now, I must say that I am not the genius that concocted this basic plan, but I am catering it to my needs and wants. If you want to see the originator and what she accomplished in such a short time, see http://www.easywayshow.com/ She is amazing!



That's all I have for you today. Hopefully I can upload my before pics soon but I'll post another entry tomorrow detailing my first day. I invite you to read along on my journey to a fabulous, healthy, active life. Thanks for reading.

BeeB.i.g.g.